I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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