And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
