don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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