Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
