True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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