I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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