i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
