I just cut my nipple shaving
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
