I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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