I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
