I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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