Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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