nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
