Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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