Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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