I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
