Dude my mom stole all your condoms
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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