i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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