I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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