I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
