69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
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He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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