i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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