some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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