my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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