Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
