Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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