I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
