Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
