I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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