Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Randomize
