Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
