I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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