By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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