you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
