when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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