These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
