We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
