There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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