She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
