carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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