Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
