Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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