Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
