I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
