i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize