Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
