you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
