Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
