I'm eating all of the evidence.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
