there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
