she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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