Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
