Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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