he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
