sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
