there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
