Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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