I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
