Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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