Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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