so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
