okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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