go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
