Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ketchup is God's man juice
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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