It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
