if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
